Feminism as a force or intensity has to disrupt all officially charted maps – it calls for the remapping of relationships. Everything has to be called into question. Including the possibility of love. This is a big, ambitious, crucial project that breaks with what is traditional or ossified. ~ Avital Ronell (1952-)
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A utopian model of connection doesn’t currently exist on Earth with any prominence. Yes, there are a few exceptions, and they serve a valuable purpose as we embrace an expansive notion of connection, but there are many more levels on which we can connect than we ever imagined. Hundreds. Thousands, even.
To use words like relationship or friendship doesn’t begin to come close to what I envision; what I know about connection anchored in the deepest recesses of an ancient certainty of how things were always intended to be. Unfortunately, the words relationship and friendship are tainted; permanently damaged; infused with fragmentation due to millennia of misunderstanding, misuse and misapplication. As-is, they do not accurately describe the depth and multi-dimensionality of what is possible for us.
On a daily basis, I am gifted with downloads of new paradigm connection felt-sense; that subtle, not-yet-anchored energy of where we are headed individually and as a collective. I am completely groping in-the-dark and yet something drives me to explore this further.
It’s not easy to describe, but these current downloads are refinements of what has always been my waking guiding wisdom of connection based on my celestial origins. My sense of connection is very different from those of the society into which I was born. As such, this Earth-plane adventure has often been a confusing experience. The constructs of relationship and friendship here make no sense to my highly-sensitive nature. Expectation, jealousy, defensiveness, competition, cruelty, imposition, egoic agenda, judgement, protectiveness, punishment… yes, these are some of the worst aspects of human interaction, but they make my point.
There are so many rules. Rules confuse me. Dogma confuses me. Maybe you feel the same. Rules and dogma eliminate any chance for real connection. In fact, they can actually prevent it. Keep this in mind: the combination of rules + dogma never provided an opportunity for true, authentic, open-hearted engagement. So, what is the magical element of real connection?
In sharp contrast to current societal convention, rules and dogma…
where I come from
is the only experience and expression.
It is absolute and unconditional.
It is all-encompassing.
It is comforting.
It is vast and abundant.
Souls are fully-present,
and emanate the bounty that is love.
How lovely to even imagine that high vibration wafting onto this Earth plane to gently replace what now exists. (Before continuing, take a moment to close your eyes and fuel this image with your thoughts, if it resonates for you. As you know, thoughts become tangibles.)
As I have explored both personal and professional New Age connections and the elements that best represent them, I was inspired this week to develop a manifesto. The official definition of manifesto is:
noun, plural man·i·fes·toes
a public declaration of intentions, opinions, objectives, or motives,
as one issued by a government, sovereign, or organization.
As it relates to Golden Age connections (if it’s easier for you, just think of what we currently term friendship or relationship), the term — wo*man*ifesto — is an energetic encapsulation of our intent as soulful beings to co-create and simultaneously experience new ways of connecting, based in pure, incorruptible love. These exciting new ways are not based in conventional constructs, for those have served their purpose and are being transformed into higher vibrational constructs of limitless form. Pretty cool, huh?
By using the term wo*man*ifesto, I am not specifically outlining relationships between women and men, for our future holds many different configurations. Instead, the term is a pact, of sorts, that women and men adopt to demonstrate their commitment to consciously move into a more full, dynamic experience.
My desired connection wo*man*ifesto looks like this:
- This template is universal, meaning all of these (following) points are essential to any connection. The degree or depth will vary (is it a romantic connection? a friendly connection? a casual connection? a passing connection?), but whether or not these elements are present is never in question.
- By its very nature, the caliber of this connection (the one right in front of you) requires you to step forward into your fullness; to explore yourself on a deeper level than ever before. You may feel exposed, uncomfortable, uncertain, and/or ill-prepared OR blissful, excited, happy, and more free than ever.
- I feel free to be myself. You are free to be yourself.
- I am open and willing to express myself honestly and fully, even if I think you might disagree with or dislike my expression. It’s more important to always be myself.
- I am receptive to your authentic, honest and open expressions, even — or especially — when I disagree or dislike your expression. It’s more important to always be yourself.
- We continually challenge ourselves to look beyond our own needs, wants, desires, preferences to consider: What can I say/do to contribute to his/her happiness? How can I validate him/her? What does s/he need from me in this moment and how can I accommodate her/him? Etc.
- We speak openly about any issues that come up, determine a mutually-beneficial solution, and move on.
- We discuss matters respectfully, while reserving the right to express in our own way.
- We confront communication challenges as a united team. There is only one side: us.
- We talk about issues that matter to us as individuals, because it is essential to our own well-being to do so within the framework of a safe environment.
- We don’t assume the other person is better off not knowing what we’re thinking/feeling/experiencing. We let them decide for themselves by sharing pertinent information/the facts based on the truth of our authentic thoughts/feelings/experiences.
- We are each equally willing to initiate vulnerable discussions, when necessary, in an effort to build greater intimacy and mutual trust.
- When we need/want something, we ask for it with open communication.
- We understand that intimacy takes many forms, but is anchored by tangible expressions including words and actions.
- We spend time together doing activities that invoke play, lightheartedness, fun, creativity, expansion, and intimacy.
- All shared activities are opportunities to expand our sense of self in the safety of a trusted connection.
- We each agree that investing in our connection requires time, attention, patience, understanding, and ongoing navigation.
- We make our connection a priority when we are together.
- When together, we do our utmost to be and give the best of ourselves, but we know the most important thing always is to be our most authentic selves, and to support the other in being and becoming more of their authentic self.
- We are accountable to each other and ourselves for creating a mutually-healthy and mutually-beneficial connection.
- We invest equally to THIS connection to maximize the benefit for both. Neither invests more than the other. Neither does either take more from the connection than they invest.
- We each understand that we use this connection as a catalyst for our individual growth while attending to, nourishing, and supporting the other.
- Every exchange of THIS connection is an opportunity to build more trust, safety and intimacy in THIS connection. That naturally emanates into the world without effort.
- We have confidence in our co-llaboration. We know that with cooperation and objectivity, together we can figure out and navigate anything.
- I am a catalyst for your limitless unfolding, however that naturally flows. You are the same for me.
- I am a safe haven to play and explore anything/everything. You are the same for me.
- Even though we have done our individual work, there is only so much we can accomplish on our own. I want to stretch myself with a fuller experience that can only be facilitated by another person. You provide the same for me.
- We don’t put energy into posing/positioning so the other won’t be disappointed in us. Disappointment — or the possibility of it — doesn’t even exist here, so we are completely free to be ourselves.
- Although we have connections with others with varying constructs, we do not hide those connections or keep them secret from our connection. They are not the focus of our attention, but neither are they treated as if they don’t exist.
- We tolerate no “elephants in the room.” We address issues immediately, agree on solutions that benefit both parties, and move on.
- We keep no secrets. When we become uncomfortable in our silence, we illuminate truth by talking openly.
- We co-create as we go along, knowing we can never map-out everything, for in trying to do so, we may miss spontaneous moments of delicious surprise along the way.
- We understand the power of actually creating what we want this connection to be instead of thinking about it as something that already exists that we are simply experiencing… like some mapped-out life plan decided by someone else.
- Each in our own ways, we master our power-to-create to enliven and enrich this connection.
- We value the connection by keeping the other abreast of what is happening in our inner world.
This is an uncharted exploration. I don’t know what lies ahead. No one does. However, you are invited to embark without exactly knowing your destination or what will happen along the way. Can we set some parameters for mutual understanding as we set out? Sure. That’s what this wo*man*ifesto is… a starting place; a way to get the conversation started; a few concrete ideas and actions anchored in so we can actually live new love, for that’s all connection is: a way to love others.
Now that I’ve created a template, what are your ideal aspects of new connection? What would you add to your personal wo*man*ifesto?
Please leave your comments below.
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Mary West said:
Awesome article Charlon. I love it. So much of it describes how I’ve always felt. You have a way with words! Love and blessings to you ❤
charlon bobo said:
Thanks for your comments. The more I speak with people, the more I realize how many more ways there are to love each other. Our current constructs are far too limiting for where we are headed. I am ready to expand societal limitations and explore L*O*V*E in multiple dimensions. Anyone else want to join us? Mary and I will meet you there.
Well said, Charlon! Thanks for sharing this wonderful wo*man*ifesto. I love the idea of putting forth such a framework for a few reasons:
1) It challenges us to put into words a clear vision of what we’re seeking in our connections so that we are better equipped to actually create more quality connections!
2) It seems this framework could be used as a tool to take the blame/charge away from any potential disagreements by creating an unbiased 3rd party, of sorts, to hold each other accountable and to hold the intent of coming from and going towards a place of love and respect instead of blame and hurt.
3) It makes it very clear what the expectations are, and I think sharing and agreeing upon such a list with your connection partner would be a powerful exercise in itself in creating an amazing foundation for any relationship.
Lastly, your thoughtful, detailed list emphasized to me how much more RICH all of our connections could be. You’re talking about one simple word/act (connection) yet look at how much there is to say about it! It seems we take so much for granted in this area and expect connections to so easily, and almost magically, fall into place. Perhaps a little work in this area could go a long way?
Approaching our existing, traditional connections from such a framework seems like a step in the right direction towards the expansive quality and quantity of connections that you envision being possible.
charlon bobo said:
Hello, Dear Sonia~
Thank you for your well-articulated comments. What I love about moving ahead with even a rough outline of what we want to experience is that we will hit very close to the mark. That’s what happens when once “aims for the stars.”
It would be amazing to see this model used in any way that inspires more love and respect.
Knowing you, you are the living embodiment of the Wo*Man*ifesto. I look forward to seeing how you continue to model the principles outlined above.